Phuket dot net

“James Bond always bets on black.”

“What the hell does James Bond know?”

“Well, he’s James Bond. What doesn’t he know?”

Cock fighting at JJ market, a spot of buffalo fighting on Samui, or an all-night dominoes session with the old ladies around Victory Monument – gambling in Thailand certainly has its own cultural identity. With gambling being illegal in Land of Smiles, you won’t find any casinos around here. The lottery might be good for a quick flutter, but most expats (myself included) struggle to figure out how the whole system works. Where would James Bond go? Watching chickens being ripped to shreds or seeing enraged buffalos charge each other down like two horned Yokozunas lacks that suave edge. No, if you want to go gambling you need to get out of Thailand. Forget Vegas; it’s so passé. Macau? It’s had it’s day. The real amusement is to be had in that border town that has seen so many confused foreigners pass through; the most fun you can have on a weekend away from Bangkok is in Poipet.

And that’s where we were – three energetic foreigners; wide-eyed and curious; anxious and confident – ready to earn ourselves early retirement. The casino business in Cambodia is said to be worth in excess of $150 million. More than 1,000 Thais cross the border into Poipet every day, so there must be something worth seeing. Indeed, the one kilometer Golden Mile is home to almost a dozen casinos, each with its own neon lights piercing the view as closely cropped lawns instill feelings of calm, and golf carts screech from A to B. It’s difficult to imagine that all around are people living in desperate states of poverty.

We’d walked around the villages, we’d mingled with the locals, we’d played Winning Eleven with the children – now it was time to gamble. We rocked up to Star Vegas and were immediately stopped by a security guard. I should have worn a shirt, I thought to myself. The guard had a cold, serious look on his face. He regarded us with expectation before saying: “You want ladies? I can get you ladies. You win money, you come see me I get you ladies.” We politely declined his offer, which was neither the first nor the last we would receive, and made our way to the casino.

Each of us was dressed casually. There was nothing Bond-esque about this trio, and as we walked to the slot machines there seemed to be an air of surprise resulting from our appearance. Although the slot machines promised so much, we quickly became bored. We were regularly supplied with free glasses of beer, and so with our guards down we sat at a roulette table. This would be the beginning of the end, so to speak. Roulette is a simple game. You bet on numbers, black or red, odds or evens, or sets. At first the bets were cautious, but as can happen with any gambler, once one of us would start to feel comfortable, the bets would suddenly become erratic on the verge of chaotic. The fact that there is free beer only acted as a catalyst for this. One friend lost 1,000 baht, the other was down 500, and I broke even for this table. We sensed that we weren’t getting anywhere and so we left.

With fuel in our engines and hunger in our minds, we raced to Holiday Palace. Another 1,000 baht’s worth of chips were cashed and we found the baccarat table with the lowest minimum bet and sat down. The croupier turned out to be so alarmingly dull that almost any enjoyment was sapped from the gaming experience. His robotic movements and monotone voice were greatly exaggerated by the sincere lack of facial expressions he seemed to know. I began to fall asleep and ordered two whiskey cokes. The croupier was replaced by a pretty young girl, my attention wondered, the whiskey was gone, and before I had a chance to think I’d lost 1,000 baht. Oh the pain! Baccarat is even simpler than roulette. You bet on whether the player or the dealer will get closest to ‘nine’ with the cards dealt (or you can bet on a tie). Aces are ‘one’ and picture cards are ‘ten’. A total in double figures uses only the second digit. There are a couple more rules but that’s the main thrust of the game, and as a result, its simplicity is where the danger lies. It was time for more whiskey. My two compatriots were having something of a lucky streak. Jack, our American representative, began betting incessantly on ties and, against all odds, he kept winning. His tall, lean figure seemed to bemuse the croupier. Todd, the Australian contingent, was playing safe and slowly racking up a small stack of winnings. The play continued for a short while until we felt restless.

Moving on and stumbling out into the stifling nighttime heat, we made a stopover at Golden Crown and were treated to a lengthy demonstration of online gambling. Something about the place just didn’t feel right, so we trusted our newfound gamblers’ instincts and relocated ourselves to Grand Diamond. Deciding once more on a baccarat table with a low minimum bet (50 baht), we sat down and were soon swarmed by other eager gamblers keen to join a new table. A quick nod to the man on my left and the cards were cut. The games started to follow similar patterns. We were drunk, and as a result we began losing our deft touches. A few misplaced chips while betting were greeted with scowls from the croupier. She regarded us with contempt. She could see we were amateurs. No matter how serious we tried to make our faces look; or how much we watched the other gamblers with suspicion; or how aggressively we snarled out of the sides of our mouths – she knew. We didn’t belong, and so we took our leave and were gone.

A little down on our money, a decision was made to return to Star Vegas where the people had been deemed the most friendly. It was time go all out at the roulette table. What had begun smoothly was descending into comical farce. We were being plied with drinks and had attracted a small group of staff and onlookers, as well as several other gamblers. Jack started throwing his chips across the table, and out of nowhere he found himself with more than 3,000 baht in profit. An unbelievable run of luck had left our American friend firmly in the money. But it couldn’t last. We took to applauding everything and even cheered from time to time. I found myself 1,000 baht up; Todd was also doing well for himself. A lesser group of gamblers might have walked away at this stage, but not us. We covered the table in chips, betting on anything and everything. After so much good luck we were due a string of catastrophes… and they came. Firstly, Jack lost all common sense (and all of his money) and was forced to cash another 1,000 baht into chips. “Put it all on black!” And so we did… losing everything. “Screw James Bond!”

Even though we’d all lost money, this gambling session had been a riot. We’d been at it for more than five hours and the time had flown by. For the cost of what we’d lost, we could probably have bought ourselves a night out at Club Culture or Bed Supperclub. It’s surprising that more foreigners don’t use Poipet as an excuse for a weekend away – it’s great fun.

To get there, you can take a bus from Rama IV Road by Lumphini Park. The bus costs 200 baht and will take you to the border. When you get to the border, ignore everyone that talks to you and get your stamp to leave Thailand. Head over to Cambodian immigration and buy your visa (1,000 baht or $20 and a 100 baht bribe). This will only take a few minutes and then you’re free. We stayed at the Orkiday Angkor Hotel, which was next to the main roundabout as you enter Poipet. The rooms were 400, 500, or 600 baht depending on whether you were on the first, second, or third floor respectively. You can pay with Thai baht everywhere, so don’t worry about changing your money.

The chances of paying off your mortgage early are slim to none, but Poipet is definitely worth a visit for more time than it takes to eat a dodgy lunch and have your passport stamped. Spend a bit of time exploring the villages and local areas to give your trip a culturally rewarding edge and a stark reminder of real life in Poipet.